You are more than Enough!

As a child growing up in the church, I can remember thinking to myself that something had to be wrong with those folks who wandered around in the wilderness for 40 years.  I mean, I would literally cringe when the Sunday school lesson was about this Old Testament story of God's people wandering around for 40 years!!! I can recall thinking to myself, "good grief, did it really take that long for them to get it!"  Was it really that hard to do what God had instructed them to do?  What was the deal? However, these days, my perception of this biblical account is a bit more understanding, and less critical, as I look at how this same wilderness experience is, at times, alive and well in my own life.  

For example, when I left my career almost 11 years ago to come home full time with our children, I came home with the same resistance those in the wilderness had against Moses.  My husband was the first person to put the notion of "at home mom" in my head when he gave me an article on the topic during my second or third trimester with my firstborn.  Prior to these conversations, I had never thought of giving up my career to come home.  Long story short, I spent a great deal of this time pondering what I felt I had given up, instead of embracing the awesome blessing of being at home with our kids.  I spent many years, questioning, doubting, wandering around in confusion about the decision we had made.  Unfortunately, my husband felt the wrath of my discontentment as I blamed him for making me give up, me.  I know, sounds crazy, right? So why all this? Because I was more focused on what I perceived others thought I should be doing in my career, instead of focusing on the direction GOD was leading our family.  And while I would never trade the experiences I have had with our children, I am concerned about their perception of the mom they know.

Recently, our 11-year old daughter said, she was going to wait a while to marry because she wanted to have a life first, and marriage seemed lonely!  I responded by asking if she thought I was lonely and didn't have a life. And in that very moment, before she could answer, our 9-year old son interrupted and said, 'yeah, you seem kind of lonely."  I can't begin to explain how their comments struck to the core of me!  Because, it was in that moment, I realized I have spent so much time sulking and wandering over selfless and modest decisions we made for our family, so much time guessing and second guessing where we once were financially, and where we could be if I, too, had put that well-credentialed, prestigious resume of mine to good use; I have looked back for so long, now our children can sense the insecurity in me.  Immediately, a light bulb went off, and I realized that I was trying to hide behind motherhood, but my kids had called me out just as God had been doing all these years.  He's been calling me out to see and embrace my true self outside of my resume; because for years, it was the way I defined myself -- in terms of my accomplishments.  So much so, the absence of such superficial standards, frightened me.  I'm just learning to truly praise God for who I am, and where I am right now, right in this moment.  And who I am, is a pretty cool woman who desperately strives to be in God's will.  Wow, thanks to my beautiful kids, my husband's unrelenting patience and God's grace, I finally get it!  I can leave this wilderness of my mind because who I am in Christ, who you are, is ENOUGH.  In fact, we are more than ENOUGH, always remember this! 

~Have a fantastic week everyone,

Vanessa