You are more than Enough!

As a child growing up in the church, I can remember thinking to myself that something had to be wrong with those folks who wandered around in the wilderness for 40 years.  I mean, I would literally cringe when the Sunday school lesson was about this Old Testament story of God's people wandering around for 40 years!!! I can recall thinking to myself, "good grief, did it really take that long for them to get it!"  Was it really that hard to do what God had instructed them to do?  What was the deal? However, these days, my perception of this biblical account is a bit more understanding, and less critical, as I look at how this same wilderness experience is, at times, alive and well in my own life.  

For example, when I left my career almost 11 years ago to come home full time with our children, I came home with the same resistance those in the wilderness had against Moses.  My husband was the first person to put the notion of "at home mom" in my head when he gave me an article on the topic during my second or third trimester with my firstborn.  Prior to these conversations, I had never thought of giving up my career to come home.  Long story short, I spent a great deal of this time pondering what I felt I had given up, instead of embracing the awesome blessing of being at home with our kids.  I spent many years, questioning, doubting, wandering around in confusion about the decision we had made.  Unfortunately, my husband felt the wrath of my discontentment as I blamed him for making me give up, me.  I know, sounds crazy, right? So why all this? Because I was more focused on what I perceived others thought I should be doing in my career, instead of focusing on the direction GOD was leading our family.  And while I would never trade the experiences I have had with our children, I am concerned about their perception of the mom they know.

Recently, our 11-year old daughter said, she was going to wait a while to marry because she wanted to have a life first, and marriage seemed lonely!  I responded by asking if she thought I was lonely and didn't have a life. And in that very moment, before she could answer, our 9-year old son interrupted and said, 'yeah, you seem kind of lonely."  I can't begin to explain how their comments struck to the core of me!  Because, it was in that moment, I realized I have spent so much time sulking and wandering over selfless and modest decisions we made for our family, so much time guessing and second guessing where we once were financially, and where we could be if I, too, had put that well-credentialed, prestigious resume of mine to good use; I have looked back for so long, now our children can sense the insecurity in me.  Immediately, a light bulb went off, and I realized that I was trying to hide behind motherhood, but my kids had called me out just as God had been doing all these years.  He's been calling me out to see and embrace my true self outside of my resume; because for years, it was the way I defined myself -- in terms of my accomplishments.  So much so, the absence of such superficial standards, frightened me.  I'm just learning to truly praise God for who I am, and where I am right now, right in this moment.  And who I am, is a pretty cool woman who desperately strives to be in God's will.  Wow, thanks to my beautiful kids, my husband's unrelenting patience and God's grace, I finally get it!  I can leave this wilderness of my mind because who I am in Christ, who you are, is ENOUGH.  In fact, we are more than ENOUGH, always remember this! 

~Have a fantastic week everyone,

Vanessa 

Listen for the VOICE of Truth

There's a song by Christian recording artists group "Casting Crowns" that resonates with me often.  It's called the "Voice of Truth" and basically it's about the need to ignore all the other voices calling out to us on a regular basis, and listen only to the Voice of Truth, God's still voice!  You know the voices! The voices of stress, doubt, insecurities, jealously, and fear; the voice of busyness; "I've got to be here, got to be there, this meeting, this activity, this and that around the clock."  All  the voices of distractions trying to pull you, pulling us all, away from the small still voice of truth that fuels our spirit.  In the past weeks, I have been practicing the art of listening to voices, the many noises around me, and deciding which ones are better for me than others.  For instance, once a day, lately first thing in the morning before anyone wakes up, or mid-morning when house is clear, I will go out on our back deck, read a scripture, and just listen.  I will close my eyes and just listen to what the universe is saying.

It's amazing what you can hear if you're still enough to really listen.  The humming sounds of air condition units, the chirping of birds in trees, cars starting, buses driving by, a neighbor praising the family dog, with a 'good girl' after she heeds to his call, sounds of a metro train approaching on nearby tracks, and your own inner voice reminding you to to take care of you!  And of course, while I'm listening I can feel the sweet, softness of a gentle breeze brushing across my face, arms, legs and right through my sandals.  These are the sounds of life, I long for because it is in these small still moments where the Voice of God is most clear.  His truth and will for my day are so profound, that I say to myself 'why don't you have these moments more often, girl?" Everything is so crystal clear! So let's turn down those voices of constant cell phone, text messages, calendars full of meetings, and negative talk...that take far more from us, than they give.  And let's carve out some time to listen for the voice of truth over every situation in our life.  Let's all be still for a moment, and just listen.

Have a blessed week everyone, and listen.....
~Vanessa